


Acceptance is the First Step

by Adariall



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Acceptance of feelings is tough, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Kissing, Durincest, Even tougher when your name is Thorin Oakenshield, First Kiss, Kíli just wants what's best for him, M/M, Thorin Is an Idiot, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adariall/pseuds/Adariall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin finds that sometimes your first love might come a little later in life, but that no matter how late it is very much worth the wait.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acceptance is the First Step

Thorin knew that no one in the whole of existence would ever believe that he had reached his age without having kissed another romantically, he knew it. It seemed completely implausible although it was the truth. He’d never had a first love, had never had the time or the desire to lay with others when he’d been tasked with leading their people in the wake of Smaug and the long years after. Even before the fall of Erebor he’d had duties and lessons to attend to and while perhaps Dwalin had found time to romance their peers (and admittedly those older than them as well) he’d had other things on his mind. It wasn’t something he’d truly thought about either, and the more time that passed the less and less he’d thought about even attempting to find his one. But then came Kili. Kili who had the brashness of youth and none of the worries weighing him down that Thorin had grown up with, but it wasn’t something that Thorin could find it in himself to hate. In fact, despite his previous disinterest in any matters of romance or of the flesh he found himself watching his youngest nephew more and more. He noticed the way that Kili’s face lit up with joy every time he was tasked with something new and how no matter what his sister did to his hair it would be in shambles by the time the noontime bell rang. He found his gaze tracking the way that Kili’s tunic stretched across his shoulders as he practiced at the archery range and the way that his brow furrowed as he forced himself to work through yet another of the lessons that Balin had left for him to complete. His stomach twisted in ways that he’d never anticipated when he found himself alone with Kili and on more than one occasion he’d cursed himself for an age after they’d parted company for the fool he’d made himself out to be. He’d never expected to be acting like a love struck dwarfling when he was well past the midpoint of his second century. He tried to leave as little to chance as possible, to shove his feelings down, but with each day that passed he realized that it would become harder and harder to do and he loathed himself for it. 

It was because of this self-loathing that on one particular evening he found himself in one of the taverns near the outskirts of Ered Luin. It had been late enough when he’d arrived that his presence wasn’t truly noticed and after retrieving his order from the main counter he had settled himself in one of the more shadowed corners. He watched as those around him laughed and sang, a release after a long day of work, but he found himself sinking more into his corner. His mind operated on a loop that mashed together all of his stilted attempts at conversation and those moments where he couldn’t find it in himself to look away all into one. He sighed softly and stared into his drink for a long moment before he raised it to his lips and downed more than half in one long gulp. As he raised his hand to wipe any stray droplets from his beard he found his attention suddenly taken elsewhere as he felt that there were eyes upon him. He glanced up and looked about, but he found that he regretted the choice almost instantly. From the bar he found his gaze met with the eyes that he had attempted to escape from in the first place and he knew that barring the tavern catching fire, for the moment he was well and truly trapped. 

He smiled warily as Kili left the bar with his drink in hand and made his way across the room to the corner where he sat and he fiddled with his own ale like someone half his age. “Kili, what a pleasant surprise.” He managed to ground out in what he hoped was a level tone as his nephew reached the table.

"It is, isn’t it? I didn't expect to find you here this evening, Uncle." Kili grinned as he slid onto the bench next to Thorin. "I would have thought that you'd be with Mister Dwalin or with Ma."

Thorin shook his head and attempted to wet his lips before he replied. "Dwalin is with Balin this evening and your mother is, as far as I know, conspiring with Gloin's wife on some matter or another."

Kili snorted into his drink before he tipped his head back and laughed brightly. "That's one way of putting it."

A flush settled across Thorin's cheeks as he watched the grin that spread across Kili's face and he shook his head slightly. "They've been thick as thieves since they were young and believe me, in their day they caused as much mischief as you and your brother do."

"I'd hoped you hadn't noticed that." Kili's grin softened into something softer, shyer, and he scratched the back of his neck. "We're not as bad as we used to be, but still, sometimes Fili needs to just, well, be." 

Thorin sighed and set his drink on the table in front of him before he turned back to Kili. "I do understand, Kili," he began quietly, the tone of their conversation shifting abruptly, but he knew what needed to be said. "Being the heir is a mantle of responsibility that could crush a weaker man, but your brother holds his own, and I know that you have something to do with it. I will not tell you that I approve of you being terrors, but I will say that if you can keep him smiling, if you can allow him to break through the pressure than I will not tell you to stop."

A long pause spread between them before Kili set his own drink next to Thorin's. His eyes remained fixed on the table. "But why isn't there someone there to do that for you?"

"Pardon?" He froze in place as Kili's words resonated through his mind and it seemed as if his ears suddenly rang with noise beyond that of the tavern.

Kili raised his head and his eyes flashed with the same stubbornness that his mother held and he straightened his back as he met Thorin's gaze unflinchingly. "You should have someone who can at least allow you to breathe every once in a while. You do so much for everyone and you have for so long and I can see that you're just like Fili. I can see it." His cheeks were red even in the dim light of their little corner and as he exhaled his voice suddenly softened. "Let me, Thorin. Let me be there."

"I don't think you know what you ask."

"I do know, and I am asking. You deserve to be happy Thorin, you deserve to have someone to give you that. Someone to make you smile and laugh. You deserve to have peace and to have someone who is yours and I just wish that you would let it be me." Kili's eyes widened as he realized the words that he'd spoken and he shut his mouth opened and shut a few times as his eyes darted toward the door. "I'm sorry, Uncle. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Thorin exhaled slowly before he finally shook his head. "But you did, Kili. You did and do you even know what you are offering me? Do you truly know?"

As he swallowed, Kili looked up at Thorin with a nervous smile. “I do know,” he echoed his previous statement. “I do know and I still offer it. There is no one else who I would ever, that is to say I could never be wi-” Thorin slipped his hand over his nephew’s and the touch silenced him quickly. Kili worried his lower lip between his teeth for a moment before he found his voice once more. “Thorin?”

“I know.” He squeezed Kili’s hand tightly and hoped that no one had caught sight of them in the corner before he forged ahead. “We shouldn’t. There are countless reasons why we shouldn’t and why I should simply turn you away, but I cannot. I cannot turn from you or scorn your feelings, I simply wish that you had chosen someone who was more worthy of your affections.”

“More worthy?” Kili choked out. “Who else could be more worthy than you? You are everything I have ever wanted and even then some. If there is anyone who is unworthy it’s me.”

Thorin clasped both of Kili’s hands between his own as he met his gaze levelly. “You are young, Kili. Young and beautiful and strong and you deserve someone who is in their prime and who doesn’t come to you with the baggage of more than a century of losses and burden weighing them down.”

“I know what I deserve, Thorin Oakenshield, and what I deserve, who I deserve, is you.” Kili leaned in closer and his stare did not waver. “Even if you turn me away there will never be another for me and that is what I want you to understand. You are it and if you accept me I will never leave your side.”

Thorin closed his eyes tiredly but he could not help the small, hopeful smile that twitched at the corners of his mouth. “Then who am I to say no to Kili son of Dis.”

In one quick motion, Kili closed the remaining distance between them and pressed their mouths together in what amounted to an awkward kiss and it was clear that it was something that he had wanted to do for some time. As they parted, his blush once more intensified and he let out a soft, halting laugh. “I’m sorry, I should have waited. We’re in a tavern and it’s improper and I should know better.”

Thorin found it difficult to rein his thoughts in Kili pulled away and as he opened his eyes he felt as if a weight that he had never known existed had been lifted from his shoulders. He suppressed a grin and pressed their foreheads together, uncaring of their surroundings. “I would not have had you wait a single moment longer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Do the thing? The thing is life.


End file.
